Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
