he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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