Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
