I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
