The best revenge is premature balding
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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