Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
