I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
