Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
