Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
