We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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