What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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