I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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