About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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