I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
