i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
