is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
