I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
