Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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