You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
