Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
