she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
