OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
