i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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