Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
