possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
