I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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