I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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