Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
