i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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