There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
