the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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