My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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