take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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