could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
