You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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