I hate your face
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
