"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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