so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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