Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
