I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
