gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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