to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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