turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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