need another drink. this is the easiest way
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize