Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
