Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
