I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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