He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
