Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
