youre lurking in front of me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
