So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
