I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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