my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
