he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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