how can u be prego again
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
