I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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