It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
