i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
