we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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