did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
