Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
