Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
