There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
