yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
