Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
