Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
