am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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