Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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