Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
handjob tips. give me some.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
