we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
