the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
