Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
operation harelip BJ is a go
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
