Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
