So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
