Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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